"Singer" Clinger

I had a unique experience at church on Sunday. I have been fighting a cold or some other kind of bug that has resulted in lots of congestion, drainage, and coughing. This weekend that meant that my speaking voice would come and go, and singing was pretty much not happening. I decided when I woke up Sunday morning that I had no business singing in front of a group of folks, for the sake of my voice healing, and for the sake of sparing the ears of the congregation. So, I didn't sing with the band. Instead, I sat in the congregation with Jeff. My intention was to rest my voice and just listen, but I don't know that I've ever taken part in a worship service where there was the opportunity to sing and I didn't. (I have attended worship services where there was either no music, the music was instrumental, or it wasn't geared toward the congregation singing along.) I found that I couldn't not sing. Funny that one of the songs we sang was "How Can I Keep from Singing." :-)

I've been struggling lately to find inspiration for planning worship, for several reasons that I won't get into here. But on Sunday and then again as I was singing with my iPod yesterday, I contemplated for a moment how my life would be different if I couldn't sing. What would I "do" with my life if I I didn't really delve deep into the line of thinking, because I fear that I don't have the answer for what that would fully mean. I really think my identity, and to a large extent, my self-worth, is tied to my musical gifts, specifically singing. it's who I am and what I do. Not that I have the best or most beautiful voice. I don't pretend that I do. But I do feel like my voice is accessible for others to follow and join with me.

I didn't come to any conclusions about what I would do if suddenly I would be unable to sing. I think there will come a day when that is the case. The voice is one of those parts of the body that shows its age, and I don't want to be the lady in the choir who everyone else wishes would "retire." A woman at my last church retired herself from the choir, at a point when I believe others still wanted her. That's how I want to go: when I'm still wanted rather than when everyone else wishes I would just get the heck out. I have no desire to be the warbler.

Anyway, this whole experience started me thinking about what I would do if I wasn't SingerClinger. What if I was just Heather? I wonder what that would be like.